Finally, I decided to write on this topic today despite of my hesitation on this controversial topic. I read many blogs related to this content and most of them are the acceptance of the positive side to it. But I have chosen to the negative one as somehow I am one of them, who lives in 2022 but keep old school perception.
Disclaimer -: people may comment their negative judgement towards my writing. But I am not judging anyone & I am just going to share my thoughts.
Often I receive suggestion from people in my surrounding that I shouldn’t stay alone & in future I am going to suffer because of my singlehood. But my genuine questions create an awkward silence & end the discussion.
My answer to the reasons of extra marital affairs –
I am not denying with the fact that there are genuine facts or reasons, why people compelled to choose this step. Whatever could be the reason, but to justify it, I have few questions still unanswered.
Question 1 – if someone is not happy with his/her marriage and the reason could be anything, then why don’t they walk away prior before getting into extra marital affair? Why they take step while being in their existing relationship?
My Answer– Many people will answer that they need to think thousand times before getting away from a relationship because of society, family. But If people are so concerned about the society, family, kids, then why they don’t have any concern while involving themselves towards their additional affairs.
Question 2 – Why people need extra marital affairs to spice up their life & to release boredom? Why can’t be discussed between the partners to resolve the matter?
My Answer – The reason, I usually hear from people, is lack of communication between couples. It may be the responsibilities after marriage & kids, hardly they get time to discuss or to connect. Sometimes, it’s because of the current lifestyle or unbalanced work-life process. We spend maximum hours of our day in our workplace, we start connecting to our colleagues more & get a comfort level to share our emotions & less connected towards our partner. It’s a human tendency, an individual can make any effort to get something, if it’s convenient & benefitted for him/her solely. Why can’t we make that extra effort to make time for our loved ones & to restore the connection between us. It’s tough but worthy, but 90% people don’t want to make effort & prefer the easy going path & get diverted to get temporary happiness. We do hours of effort to get better position & money but we can’t make effort for our relationship. True connection demands effort & patience & that’s where we are lacking.
Question 3– If we fail to make effort to our existing relationship, then is there any guarantee of getting a smooth relationship afterwards?
My Answer – There is a famous statement “once a cheater will always be a cheater “. Sometime people leave long tenure relationship in a fraction of second without giving a second thought to rectify it. If after knowing someone for years, after spending your valuable time with your partner, easily someone can decide to quit, then is there any guarantee of not repeating the same pattern again.
I suggest a simple rule to others. Either walk away from that relationship if it’s impossible to hold onto it rather than having an additional affair, while being in your previous relationship or if anything can be done, any effort can save your marriage, then there is nothing wrong to restart it. If we can’t leave our parents despite of any circumstances, then why easily we choose to give up to our marriage.
Marriage used to be a pure & holy association between two individuals, build with trust, loyalty & bit of compromise from both ends. Now it’s a trend to spend lakhs & crores of amount for a grand ceremony and after that it’s merely a formality either to adjust it along with the affairs or split up without even trying to make it possible. Now-a-days people proudly discussed about there extra marital affairs & also recently heard this concept of open relationships. Somehow I feel like, I don’t belong to this world. I will prefer to be single for the rest of my life rather than dealing with these situations. People may judge my old school thoughts, but i always make my best efforts & give my 100% to the people I love, whether my family, friends or anyone whom I consider to be my closed ones & I am afraid of involving myself into these kind of situation as I won’t be able to deal with these complicated things.